Deception
23 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
Words of wisdom for today:
“Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see.”
What you see is not always what you get. Some people have a way of pretending to be exactly what you want in order to reel you in. Once they have you they do a bait and switch. Jekyll and Hyde. Watch the warning signs from the very beginning. They have observed you first and know just what you’re lacking and they will play on that. This is why it is important to get to know someone (friend or potential mate) for a long time before you fall too deep and start handing out titles. Make them prove themselves first. Explore their history and find out how they were with other people because history can repeat itself.
Some people exaggerate what is going on in their lives and pretend everything is ok, instead of reaching out for the help they truly need. You want to help them, but you can’t because they refuse to accept that things are not okay. This is so sad to me because all you can do is watch the train fall off the tracks.
People have an agenda, and most of the time if they don’t like someone, anything they say about that person may be peppered with untruths or flat-out jealousy. Take it with a grain of salt. I learned this lesson particularly when it comes to rumors. There are three sides to a story. Side A. Side B. And the Truth. The truth is usually a mix of both sides. When hearing rumors about people, always examine the source. What agenda does this person have and what are they trying to accomplish?
Discernment is so important!! Listen to your gut/instinct/first mind/common sense…the holy spirit! It is there for a reason. I was so in tuned with mine years ago that I could literally see through people. I could interact with someone briefly and know if they were genuine or not. I knew who the snakes were and who I could truly trust. Then I lost my connection with God and wandered so far off the path I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. I had let so many people into my life and they were all vultures.
I trusted without knowing.
Believed without questioning.
It’s hard to recover from that because it makes you want to put walls up and shut everybody out. I keep my walls on standby because there are times when they should be up.
See people for who/what they truly are.
Don’t ignore red flags.
Keep gossipers out of your ears, and stop repeating stories you heard from someone else if you weren’t there. You don’t know jack!
Lastly, stop deceiving yourself. Many times we know when a person is full of it, yet we play blind because it’s easier to go along for the ride because you have no better options.
Open your eyes and be blessed! 
Grow Stronger…
23 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
in Diary, Relationships, Self Improvement
I had a long talk with one of my sisters’ last night about getting over past hurt, dealing with current issues in our personal lives, and generally how to become a better person. I explained to her that even when you think you’ve gotten over something, or gotten past a particular issue…years later remnants will still come to the surface. Something will happen to remind you of it, and pick the scab off of the wound.
Also, in life you are constantly growing and evolving. It’s like an onion with layers being peeled off little by little. It’s hard and bitter on the outside, but the closer you get to the center it becomes sweeter. This is a process that takes time. Over time, you will learn and discover new things about certain situations that you never thought about. You will see past situations from different perspectives, and get a better understanding of why something happened or a person did what they did. This is all a part of the learning and growing process and it takes time.
You cannot control what other people do, how they perceive you, or how they respond to the things you do. Thankfully, I learned very early on that I cannot please everybody, and that not everyone will like me. I don’t believe in giving other people power of my emotions by making me react angrily or negatively. I can’t control their thoughts and what they believe about me, nor do I care. I am me and that will never change.
Stop wasting precious time worrying about what you did wrong, and why people did what they did. Instead learn to be better because of it and grow stronger from it.
Be blessed!
Much Needed Solitude…
05 Dec 2011 2 Comments
I have learned over the years to appreciate periods of solitude. Whether by choice or inadvertently, I often find myself alone. Years ago I prayed for God to remove people from my life that didn’t serve a purpose and people started dropping off like flies. Even very close long time friends. It hurt and it definitely showed me where I stood with certain people but I knew it was necessary. Sometimes you outgrow people and you have to know when a relationship has run its course.
A while back I joined a social group in hopes of meeting new people, making friends, and getting to know my new city. It caused more harm than good. I made connections with people who ultimately proved to be users and opportunists. I reached out to people I thought were my friends at times when I really needed someone, and was ignored despite the fact that I was always there for them. People smiled in my face and hated on me behind my back. It’s never worth giving up your self-respect just to belong to something. I’m too prideful for that, so I left it alone. I can’t stand cliques, phoniness, and ass kissing. It’s not who I am, and to be apart of it goes against everything I stand for. I blame myself because I was a poor judge of character and did not use discernment. That has been a constant theme in my life and something I hope to one day overcome.
So I am back at square one.
Some people need to feel needed, and only feel important when they have a million things going on. We don’t know what’s going on deep inside of them that drives this craving. Being busy may be a cover for problems they have on the inside that they do not want to deal with. They need the attention and approval of others to feel validated. They have to show off and brag about their accomplishments in exchange for praise and adoration. They don’t feel important unless they have a title behind their name. People puff their heads up and they think they are riding high…until they go home and look in the mirror. Then they realize that once the crowd is gone the emptiness returns. The problems are still there, and they are still unhappy.
My situation is contrary to this. For most of my life God has had me secluded in my own bubble because I have a vulnerable heart, and every time I step outside of that bubble, I regret it. Up until I was 11 years old I was my mother’s only child and a latchkey kid, so from very early I was used to being alone and entertaining myself. I learn so much more about myself when I am alone. Solitude forces me to deal with issues I never even knew I had. I am always soul-searching, trying to understand issues in my past and how they affect me today, and trying to prevent current conflicts from hindering my future growth.
If you are reading this and you can relate to either always finding yourself alone, or you drown yourself in “being busy” to hide the deeper issues inside of you, I want you to know that you don’t need the constant noise of other people and their drama drowning out your purpose. Take some time to reflect on what’s important to you. Are the things you’re involved in bringing fulfillment and purpose to your life? Or is it a distraction? Do you know who you really are without all of those distractions?
Silence and solitude bring to the surface inner conflicts, distress, and longings. This can be upsetting or painful, but it is much needed purification!
Be blessed!
The Streets Are Watching
17 Nov 2011 1 Comment
Whether you know it or not, people are watching you. Family, friends, associates, neighbors, enemies…they are all watching you. You might as well change your name to Prime Time because they are constantly tuned in.
They want to see if you will live up to their high expectations or sink to the lows they believe you are capable of.
They want to see if you will do what you said you will do.
Whether you triumph or fail…they are watching.
They are waiting for you to prove them right or wrong, and they care more about what’s going on in your life than in their own.
They want to brag about your successes because they haven’t accomplished anything. They are emotionally invested in everything you do as if their life depends on it. This poorly disguised “support” is merely and way for them to control and manipulate you because they have nothing going for themselves.
They gloat in your failures because it makes them feel better about their own. They want to feel like they are better than you in any way possible. They don’t want to relate to you, they want to feel justified in despising you.
So what will you do? Pretend they aren’t there while you crumble under the pressure to do well and be whatever it is they want you to be? Will you live a lie by pretending all is well instead of embracing life and it’s challeneges as it comes to you, and humbly thank God for every step…every blessing…every chance…and every lesson?
Or will you live your life unapolagetically and to the best of your abilities, and be accountable only to Godfirst, then self, and to those who truly matter? Will you watch them watch you, and smile while you press forward and fullfill your dreams on your own terms?
They won’t stop watching, so show them something they’ll never forget!
Grave Digging and The Wolf Pack pt.2
17 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment
In the first message I discussed what a Grave Digger is, and described a Wolfer. In this part I want to delve deeper into how these people tick.
Grave Diggers know their life is a mess, but continuously choose to make one bad decision after another. If you have a close relationship with them, they won’t tell you the full truth of what’s going on in their life. Instead, you will get the clean version. A version where they try to make things seem better than they really are. You’ll hear that “everything is fine” and ”we’re doing great”, when really you’ve already heard from everyone across town that things are much worse. They will be too ashamed to tell you the truth, or feel like they don’t want to be lectured. As they are digging their grave, there is a mounting pile of dirt and they use this as a wall to hide from reality.
Some grave diggers actually cry out for help. Not in a productive way, but in a way that causes people to feel sorry for them and give them attention. They do this on social media by ranting about how messed up life is, and how certain people aren’t there for them. They cry on people’s shoulders about how badly they need a break, some help, and even love. But the truth is they do this to get sympathy. It’s a ploy to distract people from the fact that their life is a mess by their own choosing and they do not want to change it. All the love and support in the world will not encourage them to change because they don’t want to. They just want you to accept their mess and not hold them accountable. They see any bit of advice as you “judging” them, and you can’t tell them anything because according to them your own life is out of order too. If my life is out of order then I’m EXACTLY the one to tell you not to go the same route. Correct?
Last time I checked to not judge meant to not judge hypocritically…meaning don’t call someone out for something when you are doing the exact same thing. None of us are perfect, but it is from other’s imperfections that we can learn not to make the same mistakes. I don’t need “yes” men, and fake friends trying to appease me by patting me on the back before I walk into a mine field. I want them to say “don’t do it because I’ve been there and you’re making a huge mistake.” But nevertheless they will keep digging…
Now for the Wolfer…a.k.a “The Baddest M’Fer to Walk the Earth.”
*blank stare*
Wolfers love to argue. They think they know everything, and love to have the last word. I’ve never been much for arguing. It’s a waste of time, energy, and emotion. If I’m upset I prefer to calm down a bit before attempting to address the issue one on one, turn by turn, until it is hashed out. A wolfer cannot do this. They like to be loud, belligerent, and will try to demean you to the lowest possible degree. They want to provoke you and get an emotional response out of you so that you are on their animalistic level. They feel empowered by doing this and get a sick satisfaction out of making people cry. This is the ugliest type of person I have ever seen.
They want to be seen as a fierce bully but their inner pain and brokenness can easily be seen if you are perceptive. When you encounter this type of wolfer, remember that they are lashing out. They seek weak people like themselves to devour, but when they meet a REAL wolf, they break down.
In a future post I will talk about how to deal with and possibly help these types of individuals.
Seeking Validation
17 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment
in Relationships, Self Improvement
When you are not happy, it seems like nothing is ever right or ever will be. For a long time I only focused on the negative things and what I DIDN’T have. I saw flaws everywhere, and lost sight of how good I really had it. I’m at a point in my life right now where I only want to focus on things and people that truly matter to me.
Back in the day I used to be cold hearted when dealing with people. I’d cut you off in a heartbeat if I felt you had negative energy or if you did me wrong. I was super discerning and could sense B.S coming from a mile away. I had this super tough exterior and it was hard for people to get through it. After a few years I saw how lonely I was because I had chosen to seclude myself. The good thing about that was that I had NO drama in my life. However, I wanted to open up and be more social. This caused me to throw caution to the wind and accept everybody that seemed cool. I was naive and trusted that people had good intentions. I knew better, but I was trying to shed the hardness. I let people into my life that had ulterior motives and were not genuine. Sometimes we reach out to people who truthfully don’t care about us because we crave to be accepted or because we want what seems unattainable.
After a few falls and stumbles I got back on track. I have lost all care and concern for people and things that mean me no good. What is it worth to worry about folks that aren’t worried about you? Why constantly stick your hand in a hot flame when you know it will burn you? People serve a purpose in your life for a time and after that you must let them go. You must know when a relationship or situation has run it’s course and completely move on from it.
I don’t like giving people power over my emotions and I don’t need an ego stroke. I need real, genuine people to be down for me, and me for them.
Stop looking for validation from other people. Look around in your circle of friends/associates and determine if there is any fakeness, ass kissing, and competition. If your happiness depends on whether or not certain people like you then you are sailing on the wrong boat. You don’t need a bunch of yes men. You need people who will hold you accountable and encourage you to be a better person every single day.
Real confidence and happiness comes from within. It is not anyone else’s job to make you feel good about yourself. If I never have contact with another human being, I have peace that I love myself exactly as I am and anything I ever did was genuine. Screw the people who have you misunderstood because they didn’t know you that well in the first place. Forget the fly-by-nights who only want one thing.
Take some time and reflect on the people you’re involved with and stop trying to make bad situations work. See it for exactly what it is and cut the strings once and for all. You don’t need others to validate you. Make your mark and stand on your own.
Be Blessed!
Grave Digging and The Wolf Pack pt.1
17 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment
in Relationships, Self Improvement
Sometimes you have to let people dig their own graves. The poor choices they make, the negative people they choose to allow into their lives, and their blind refusal to see things exactly as they are means they basically have a shovel in their hand and have resolved to dig.
Each time they ignore sound advice and wisdom from family and friends, they put their foot on that shovel and start digging.
Here are a few things I’ve learned over the years regarding other people…
Some people are addicted to drama. For all of their bitching and moaning about how messed up life is, they still crave dysfunctional relationships for whatever reasons and refuse to cut certain individuals out of their life. For all of their ranting and complaining via social media and on the phone with you, they will still do whatever it is they want to do and not make any changes. Putting syrup on shit won’t make it pancakes. Everybody makes mistakes in life, but to throw away common sense, street smarts, and dive face first into a disastrous situation is flat out crazy.
What about wolfers? The Billy Bad Ass’s who talk big stuff about how tough they are, and what they will and won’t do. They easily bully weaker individuals and put on the “crazy” act in hopes that people will respect and fear them. Umm…..NO. I can smell insecurity a mile away. People like this don’t know who they really are and put on this facade to over-compensate for what they lack. They don’t want you to know how weak, broken, and fragile they really are, so they put on the wolf mask. People like this always meet their match and end up picking their shattered bravado and self esteem up off the ground. These are the types you equally hate and want to give a hug.
Some people are so broken that only God can fix them. It’s as simple as that. All you can do is pray for them. Don’t waste your emotions and time getting upset and worried about their life because they will do whatever they want to do. Be prepared for them to lash out at you and distance themselves from you because you don’t want to be a part of their madness.
Should you be there for them when it all falls apart? That’s an individual decision only you can make, but ask yourself if this is the first time you’ve been down that road with them. If history is repeating itself then it’s obvious this person has a pattern and it’s best to just love them from a distance.
Angel – Anita Baker
16 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
This song literally makes me cry. So sweet and full of love…it invokes that feeling deep inside you that you can’t live without him/her.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaVsQlEldzg
Ooh… ooh… ooh… ooh… ooh…
Ooh… ooh… ooh… ooh… ooh…
Ooh… ooh… ooh… ooh… ooh…
Ooh… ooh… ooh… ooh… ooh… ooh…
If I could Id give you the world
Wrap it all around you
Won’t be satisfied with just a piece of this heart
My angel
Oh, angel
You’re my angel
Oh, angel
Dreams are dreams, some dreams come true
I found a real dream, baby, when I found you
You’re so strong, but tender too
You’re my angel
Oh, angel
You’re my angel
Oh, angel
Love like ours is heaven sent
Each day a day to remember
I feel so safe, feel secure with you
You give me love, you keep right on givin
Fill me up, baby, with the joy of living
When things get tough I can always turn to you
You’re my angel
Oh, angel
You’re my angel
Love the way we touch, I love the way it feels
Every time you’re near me my poor heart just won’t keep still
No doubt about that this love I feel is real
Ask me to go with you, you know I will
Hold me near, hold me tight
Only you can make it real, only you make it all right
Just let me know that I am special to you
My angel
Oh, angel
You’re my angel
Oh, angel
You’re my angel
Oh, angel
You’re my angel
Oh, angel
You’re my angel
Oh, angel
Happy Birthday to Me…
16 Aug 2011 2 Comments
in Diary
Today is my 31st birthday.
I woke up this morning to tons of wonderful texts, emails, and FB greetings, as well as flowers and balloons from my husband and co-workers. It has been a special day and this weekend will be even greater! When I was a kid I’d ask my grandfather what he wanted for his birthday and he always replied, “I’m just happy to be here to see it.” such wise and humble words.
Reflecting on 30…
When I turned 30 I felt as if I had been hit by a truck. It was like going through puberty all over again but on an adult level. I have never felt more like a woman, more sensual, and more sure of what I want than when I turned 30. I started gaining weight in places I normally did not, and there were many other physical/hormonal changes that were both good and bad. Mentally I am a lot more mature and have learned to see all sides of a situation and not judge, because the very things you judge you may find yourself tempted by. My tolerance level for B.S is at an all time low therefore I cannot and will not entertain it. I am focused on the things and people who matter, and taking care of myself.
There were a lot of ups and downs in my personal life. Times when I felt like everything was falling apart, people were pulling me in different directions, and times where I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. Thankfully everything is calm now and I have so much more wisdom. I have learned a lot about people and why they are the way they are, and why they do the things that they do. It feels good to grow in knowledge and learn from past mistakes. I have put my discerning hat back on will continue to observe people and situations before I jump into something foolish. I look forward to more growth, insight, and drive to continue on the path that I’m set on. God is good and I have a lot to be thankful for.
Lost One
01 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in Poems
I’m re-posting some of my old poems. Hope you guys enjoy!
Lost One
In your eyes you are a winner
Nobody is better than you
No one can do the things you do
I might have helped you believe that
In my heart I believed it too
You hurt and destroy so many people
Leave a trail of broken hearts in your wake
One man should not be able to cause so much pain
You have been blessed to experience real love more than once
Yet you squander it every time by chasing bullshit
You are a shadow of the person I thought I knew
Or maybe I didn’t know you that well in the first place
All you want is someone to cater to your selfish whims
Never have I loved someone so deeply before
You affected every cell in my body
I showed you how a real woman should love a man
And wanted to make you my world
You just wanted someone to play with
I feel so stupid for letting you in
Don’t know what I was thinking
You will never have me like that again
You don’t deserve me and you never will
For every failed relationship you have I hope you think of me
Wondering if you’ll ever find another woman
As good as I was to you
You lost me for good this time
I’m moving on and never looking back
